Online dating tips - Cupid OK

It's officially true: You can find anything online. A llama up for adoption. A wallpaper hanger who sings Puccini while he works. A spirit medium for hire. And yes, even romance.

It's hard to remember a time before online dating existed. Still, many people are wary of it and prefer to meet people the "old-fashioned" way. In bars; blind dates set up by a well-meaning coworker who pities you for being alone; serendipitously getting into a fender-bender with the love of your life. But what if you hate the bar scene, don't trust your coworker's judgment and have a good driving record? Looking for dating material online might not be a bad idea. And, as with most new pursuits, it makes sense to have a plan.

Find a reputable dating site.

The best sites keep their members' identities (including e-mail addresses) anonymous, unless the member chooses to share that info with a prospective date. This is important, since you don't want to share too much about yourself (especially your physical address, for crying out loud!) with someone you literally don't know. Be wary of free sites, since they usually don't offer any identity protection and don't have a way of screening their members.

Also, avoid committing to a long-term contract with a dating site. You should be able to choose what type of package you're interested in, and one of those options should be month-to-month membership. After all, if you end up with a bad vibe about the site (or, if you meet someone you flip head-over-heels for), you should have the option of canceling your membership when the month's up.

Be clear about what you're looking for in a date.

There are plenty of twenty-year-olds out there who pick a different date every weekend. They're not thinking about life after the first date. (Oh, to be 20 again!) But, depending on your age and how you envision the rest of your life, you might not want to date people just for the "fun" of it. (After all, if you've got kids or if you've been through a tough divorce, dating might not seem like loads of joy, but more like a necessary evil.)

While relationships are hard work and require time and energy, you don't owe prospective dates that level of commitment. Therefore, you certainly shouldn't resign yourself to wasting lots of time on people you don't even know yet. Your time is valuable and you can save yourself needless waste if you're clear about what you're looking for in a relationship and if you stick to it. Make sure your potential love interest meets your specific date-worthy criteria before you expend dating time on him/her.

Don't waffle about the most important things in your life. For example, if you have four cats you absolutely adore and he happens to hate cats ever since witnessing an unfortunate event involving a zoo tiger, then you might want to end things now, at a friendly e-mail adieu. If you want children someday and she's adamant about leaving the world's population right where it is, don't waste your time on "seeing where it leads," because you'll end up at an impasse that's too important to compromise on.

Don't believe everything you read.

Online dating is a godsend for very shy people who can't walk into a room and strike up a conversation with a perfect stranger. However, people can hide behind their computer screens and spin glorious lies about themselves. They can become someone or something they're not.

Dating itself is a leap of faith, no matter how you meet someone. And at some point, if your intuition tells you it's right, you'll want to take that leap of faith. But take everything with a grain of salt, and expect some "résumé padding" in the online profiles you're reading. (Heck, you might do some padding yourself, and not even really notice it!)

Dating someone new involves putting our best feet forward. And that means people pretend, and try to be not only their best selves, but the selves they wish they were. Keep this in mind, especially when all you've got to go on so far are some words on a monitor. True, at a bar or at singles night they can pretend, too. But in person, although they can still spin fictitious degrees or accomplishments, they can't claim to be 6'5" with a full head of hair if everything points to the opposite. This shouldn't convince you to spend the rest of your Friday nights with Law and Order and a pint of Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia. Just be aware of the common tendency for people to fudge the truth while they try to appeal to others.

Exchange photos.

Okay, so you like everything you've read about him, you like what he's said, and you both seem to be on the same page about life's major points. That should do it, right? Wrong. Not yet. There's no accounting for chemistry, that tricky, fickle force that transcends reason and rationality. Insist on a picture. You might see the picture and just know you can't get excited over him physically. That doesn't make you shallow or superficial—it makes you human. Beauty truly is subjective and in the eye of the beholder. And, as the beholder, you owe yourself a first glance before you're sitting across from a table from him. Trust me—you'll be glad you did.

Don't rush the first meeting.

Be very afraid if the person you're corresponding with is chomping at the bit for a quick meeting. S/he may not really want to "date" per se, but may have something very different in mind. (As in, "It's 2am, I'll let myself out…oh, and don't call me, I'll call you.") If you feel bullied at this early stage, what would a full-blown relationship be like with this person? Besides, undue pressure should raise caution flags. If s/he evinces anger or frustration about you proceeding with appropriate caution (except they call it "dragging your feet"), there may be a dangerous reason for that, a reason you don't want to find out about later, when you're vulnerable. Nix it now.

Consider talking on the phone first.

E-mail is great because you can sense a lot about someone by how they express themselves via the written word, by what they choose to say or to leave out. However, although writing can show you things, it can also cover up others (not to mention she may be having her roommate, a skilled novelist type "her" responses). When people have time to reflect and be selective (versus the quick give-and-take of a verbal conversation), it's easier to be evasive. Add the voice to the picture; if you like how s/he is conversationally, if you appreciate the sense of humor (which is not always as apparent in e-mail), and if you FEEL TOTALLY COMFORTABLE, proceed to the next step.

Meet in a safe, public, populated place.

I.e., not a park after sundown or an alley between an abandoned warehouse and an ancient barbershop. Don't automatically trust this person. People should earn your trust. (For example, beware of a tell-tale tan line on the ring finger!) No matter how much you believe everything s/he has said and no matter how gentle and docile the picture portrays this person (remember: you still don't know that picture is really a picture of the person behind the e-mails and the profile), you need to think of yourself first. So pick a safe place to meet. A place where the parking lot is nearby and well-lit. Let a friend know about the details of this meeting and when you anticipate it ending. Have that friend call and check in at some point.

No matter how we hem and haw and gripe about the hazards of dating, most of us want to be in a relationship and realize dating is the first step. In this technologically-rich age, it makes sense to use the Internet to your advantage. But it also makes sense to apply planning and foresight so that your experience with meeting people in cyberspace doesn't end in a mangled connection.

Read more tips for online dating: go to the Millionaire Cupid Online Dating Tips section.