The dating scene can be a confusing place, even for the experienced. But if you are new to it, or returning after a good amount of years, it can be more than daunting. It's easy to feel very lost. Especially since the introduction of "The Rules".
I'm not talking about one particular set of rules, or one specific book here. Different groups of people follow a different set of rules, which only tends to aid the general state of puzzlement. Those who do firmly believe in any of the sets of rules tend to stick to them, and if you don't know what these rules are, it can be tough to crack the code.
Feeling lost yet? Exactly. Here's my own advice for entering or re-entering the dating scene.
- Ask yourself what you are looking for. Is it just something casual, a bit of fun? Or are you looking for that special person? This does make a difference. A bit of fun is easy to find but finding someone with relationship potential is a bit harder.
- Think about where you are going to look for that person. Pubs, bars and clubs are fun, social places. And occasionally you might find someone looking for true romance in there. A majority of people, however, are there looking for something more casual, if they are looking at all.
If it's someone with prospects you are after, consider joining a club or activity reflecting your own interests. At least you will know the other person is there because of a shared interest, and that will make it easier to start a conversation.
- Internet dating is popular these days, but as it is when going out, everyone's intentions are different. You might find someone who catches your eye, but if they are not looking for the same thing as you, it's not likely to happen. Make sure that if you are looking for a relationship, the other person is looking for one as well. This helps to avoid any disappointments later on.
- Don't play games. At least, not the kind of games that mess with someone's mind and heart. If you give someone your telephone number, you can expect them to call you. This does not mean they are desperate - you gave the number for a reason, right? If someone gives you their number and you want to give them a bell, do so. Don't wait a certain amount of days because of "rules". If you feel the time is right, don't hesitate to dial that number.
Fair enough, there are limits there. It's not a good idea to flood someone with calls, voicemail messages and text messages because that can be seen as a little scary. But a simple call to possibly arrange a next date is fine.
- Yes, some men like it when a woman is a bit mysterious, and some men like the chase. Pretending to be completely cold and disinterested, however, is not a good idea. The other person might assume that you are indeed not interested, and will sooner or later move on. If you are interested in someone, the best way to progress is by getting to know them. How else will you know whether or not there's something there?
- Be yourself. Not everyone is going to like you for who you are, but there are a lot of people who will. There's no need to pretend to be someone different. Besides, if you do pretend then later on you will have a lot of explaining to do, and that's unpleasant. Be open, have fun and just be you. It's a good way of finding someone who will like you for that.
- Don't be afraid to ask questions. Sure, tact is good, but if there's something you want to know about the other person, it doesn't hurt to ask. If they are very evasive, it doesn't hurt to ask why they are, either. Perhaps they are shy, and you can draw them out of their shell. Perhaps, unfortunately, they have something to hide and it's best to know about that sooner rather than later. Don't assume the worst, though. Some people just have a bit of a harder time opening up.
- Take it nice and slow. It's not recommended to rush into anything. If a new relationship is solely based on passion, this passion can thaw and you might find you don't really know your partner. Take your time getting to know them and let things develop as they will.
-Last but not least - stay yourself. Don't try to change who you are to suit the other person. Don't try to please them by being something you are not. Don't be a doormat. Yes, a relationship takes work and some compromise, but you shouldn't have to change who you are to be liked. This never works in the long run. It's far better to find someone who loves you because you are you, and you are wonderful.
